Storyline

Only you can save the universe

Anachronox, which Ion Storm wants to remind you literally means "a poison from a previous time", is a floating city located inside a planet-sized sphere that continually shifts and reconfigures itself like a Rubik's Cube. No one knows who built the city, but it's believed to have been left behind by a long-dead alien species who were responsible for creating technological artifacts called MysTech which combine magic with technology.

The game begins with the player taking on the role of Sylvester "Sly" Boots, a private detective who operates out of a storage shed in a seedy bar located in the slums of Anachronox. After being roughed up and nearly killed for an unpaid debt, Sly's LifeCursor assistant, which contains the digital personality of his late secretary Fatima, convinces him that he needs to find a real job.

Is there no hope for the future?

Your secretary

Sly eventually finds work as a bodyguard for a crabby old man, Grumpos. Grumpos, a former curator of a MysTech museum, has now become an collector of MysTech and hopes to discover their secret. With Sly as his bodyguard, Grumpos explores the abandoned tunnels of Anachronox and eventually they decide that they won't be able to get anywhere without help and decide to seek the help of an expert on another planet, Dr. Rho Bowman. Shortly after their arrival, something causes once-dormant MysTech to awaken and the planet unexpectedly splits in half. Something in the universe is awakening MysTech and in the process threatening to destroy the universe! I won't spoil the rest of the story, but this mystery will take Boots, Grumpos, his lackey robot, and four other allies including an unemployed superhero and a former flame "Stiletto Anyway" on a trip spanning six planets.

Stop evildoer!

No, you can't play as the dog.

The Good Though the short storyline preview above sounds somewhat clichéd, the game is made interesting by the infusion of humor that's sometimes sarcastic and sometimes subtle but sincerely funny. It's along the lines of games like Giants, No One Lives Forever, or Sam and Max Hit the Road. For example, Sly's robot, PAL-18 (Personal Android Lackey) seems to draw inspiration from South Park's Cartman (though the game is only ESRB rated for teens. Another example can be seen in Grumpos's World Skill, a unique task each character can perform. For PAL-18, it's run-of-the-mill hacking ... but for old Grumpos, it's yammering," and you have to control the air going into his lungs in order to keep him gregarious.

My friend's a lawyer and he said it's perfectly legal!

0-60 in 0.5 seconds

The Bad

While I've left out many details, I've essentially given you the first 5-7 hours of this 20-30 hour game. The pacing of Anachronox's storyline is completely off. The first 3-4 hours of the game have little to do with the main storyline which doesn't really have any substance itself until you're about 6 hours in. Part of the problem is that Anachronox's side-quests are found early on. Usually side-quests work best later in the game, when the story has already had a chance to get going and you've developed a feel for the characters. In Anachronox, these quests occur while you're still trying to figure out what the game is about - you're just far more interested in trying to find out the main plot of the game.

Yes, it does get better, but Ion Storm could have easily condensed the "pre-story" down to an hour. Even when using a walk-through and skipping all of the side quests, it takes 3 hours to get through the boring parts. The humor does a bit to make this bearable, but the only people who are willing to spend 3 hours in front of a boring game are game reviewers. Imagine if the Half-Life intro train ride was an hour.