The Firing Line 15 October 07, 2003 Tom Chick

Recall to arms

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Tom Chick on the Firing Line:

The Top Ten Takebacks in Gaming

1) Halo: Combat Evolved for the PC

It still has the same clever AI but no bots for multiplayer games. There are no changes to the single player game, even where they might have been appropriate (such as in the saved game system). We get a new weapon and a few new multiplayer maps. We also get a much dodgier framerate, which is quite an accomplishment for a game that ran smoothly on my Xbox 2 years ago. What we don't get is one of Halo's greatest charms: co-operative gameplay. I'm sure there are compelling technical reasons why Gearbox couldn't do this, but likewise there are now compelling reasons why we should recall the PC version of Halo. If this is combat evolved, I'll take the more primordial version, thank you very much.



SIDEBAR: Darrell Issa spent an estimated $1.7 million to promote the California recall initiative against Governor Gray Davis. So far, he has spent $0 to promote the recall of Halo for the PC.

The List

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2) The Half-Life 2 hype

Wait, wait, wait, can we just back up? Not since the Star Wars Episode I trailers have so many geeks slobbered so much over so little. It's not a good sign that Gabe Newell squandered so much credibility by all but taking off his shoe and pounding it on the podium when he promised Half-Life 2 would be out -- umm, let me check my watch -- one week ago. Then there's the clumsy debut of Steam, Valve's "our way or the highway" proprietary online distribution/authentication/totalitarian system. And now that the source code has been ripped untimely from its mother network, everyone's talking about Half-Life 2 all over again, which should carry it through to its new April 2004 release date just fine. In the last six months, Half-Life 2 has gotten more press than Duke Nukem Forever has gotten in all sixteen years of its ongoing development. Can we practice a little hype socialism and recall some of this coverage to dole it out to some of the more press poor games?

3) Half-baked RPGs for the PC

That's right, Lionheart and Temple of Elemental Evil, I'm talking to you. Just because the genre is doing well doesn't mean we need to start slinging out underdone titles that completely ignore, Temple of Elemental Evil style, how much better interfaces have gotten since the first Baldur's Gate. It doesn't mean we need to try to straddle the divide, Lionheart style, between Diablo and actual RPGs. Let's recall them and give their developers a chance to play through Knights of the Old Republic to get a sense for how to do RPGs right.

4) Counter-Strike

Would someone please tell those 30,000 players who are online right now that there are other games out there that aren't as old as Methuselah and overrun with aimbots? It's their fault I can't find a server with a good game of Jedi Academy's siege mode. I vote we recall Counter-strike and get more people playing underdogs like Vietcong, Savage, and Battlefield 1942's Forgotten Heroes mod, which I’ve heard is pretty cool, but I wouldn’t know since I can’t find any games because apparently no one can get enough of de_dust.

5) Progress Quest

This has got to be the worst massively multiplayer online RPGs I've ever played. I can't figure out how to enable the 3D mode, the bastard lunatic class is seriously overpowered, and the chat interface is just lame, lame, lame. Sure, it's free, but I guess you get what you pay for. Recall it anyway.



SIDEBAR: Methuselah was a Biblical character who lived for 969 years. (Tom knows this because he’s, get this, a theology major! -ed.)

Listing to port

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6) Star Wars: Galaxies

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, people made a lot of stuff and danced around to heal each other and walked long distances. It's been six months and still no jedis, much less landspeeders. There aren't even Dewbacks. There are, however, plenty of Uncle Owens and Aunt Berus. A Tauntaun, a Tauntaun, my kingdom for a Tauntaun!

7) Disgaea

It needs a better save system. I'll get eight levels down into a power glove or ninja sword, but then I can't save my progress, so Disgaea sits in my Playstation 2 and I can’t turn it off without losing my progress. Now the save game is telling me I've played for 119 hours, which is off by, I don't know, at least seven or eight hours. Besides, if Disgaea gets recalled, maybe I can get some work done. This damn thing is like a constant siren song, calling me to the shipwreck of another six hours straight of doing nothing but improving my Star Mage. This is the best tactical combat game since X-Com and it's really putting the hurt on me. Recall it. It's addictive and harmful, the gaming equivalent of cigarettes.

8) Sacrifice

This game deserves to be recalled from whatever shelf it's found its way to in your house and put back on your hard drive. With the latest hardware, you can max out the detail and get visuals that rival anything else out there, not to mention superlative artwork, voice acting, and gameplay. It's hard to believe this jewel is from the same people who slapped together that awful Matrix game. If I had my own magazine, I'd put Sacrifice on the cover every month with Disgaea in a little inset window in the upper corner.

9) $30 expansion packs

I don't want to see another expansion pack that costs more than $19.99. At the most. I have yet to see an expansion pack worth more than that. Blizzard is the worst offender. They look at you with a straight face and ask $34.99 for Frozen Throne because, you know, they can. And it's not like they're not going to sell twelve billion copies, not counting Korea. C'mon, you guys are doing fine, how about cutting us fans a break? At least they put in plenty of content, unlike those guys at Electronic Arts and Ubi Soft, who churn out map packs for their Battlefield 1942, Medal of Honor, and the Rainbow Six games. It's no surprise they're not very friendly to the mod community that makes them look bad and costs nothing.



SIDEBAR: In Disgaea, if you get a Fire Mage, Wind Mage, and Ice Mage to level 10, you’ll unlock the Star Mage.

Return Fire

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10) Brett Todd’s cynicism

I was going to respond to Brett’s last Firing Line, but it had already scrolled off the front page and I couldn’t find it anymore. I remember that it was something about monkey orgasms, which is a topic I don’t really have an opinion on. So I’ll just say I’m in favor of monkey’s having as many orgasms as they want, as long as I’m not expected to play any role. In which case, I’m strongly opposed to it and they can go take care of their dirty little business with someone else.

As for Brett’s ‘burned-out hardcore cynical jaded gamer who has eight million games installed on his computer and no time to play them’ thing, I can’t really identify with it, so I’m going to start a campaign to recall it and replace it with some of my own enthusiasm. I like games. I still get a little thrill the first time I boot something up. I sit for a half hour and think about what I’m going to name my character this time. This is a great way to avoid being an adult, to indulge in some of that kid style playtime most other adults have lost track of. This is all adolescent diversion, harmless fantasy fluff, a willing suspension of disbelief that I’m sure Samuel Taylor Coleridge would have totally dug. It’s anesthetic, really, and just like other anesthetics, it works fine as long as you can manage it and keep it in perspective. As someone much wiser than me once said, “Everything in moderation. Especially computer games”.



SIDEBAR: Samuel Taylor Coleridge misspelled the word ‘rhyme’ in the title of his famous poem, Rime of the Ancient Mariner, and no one corrected it.

Shot of the Week

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Screenshot of the Week

Still no sign of the 1.10 patch for Diablo II. I can’t get my copy of UFO: Aftermath to run. And I don’t have any way to grab screens of Crimson Skies on the Xbox. So here’s a picture of a little dude who doesn’t like this little chick even though she’s trying to lure him into the hot tub. It’s all very Sims, but it’s in space. Which is why Space Colony is also known as The Sims in Space But From The Guys Who Did Stronghold, So It’s Not As Bad As You Might Think. Seriously.

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Wow, FiringSquad has a list just like GameSpy now! We’re going to have to charge the advertisers some serious moola the next time we have ad space for sale. But man, Tom has officially sealed his fate as the Angry Old Man of FiringSquad. Let’s call him Murray (because I love you, Chet). So, Tom ‘Murray’ Chick apparently has quite a few beefs, even with past favorites of his such as Star Wars Galaxies. Maybe we should refer him to GameSpy? Let us know, and Sound Off! in the news comments.