Summary: On the tenth day of Christmas (remember, anything after Sept. 1 is Christmas season among games retailers), my true love sent to me: 10 Chicks-a-Choking on recall lists. What's it all about? Why, all the dumb things that happen in the games industry, of course. And a few good ones.
The Top Ten Takebacks in Gaming
|The List||Page:: ( 2 / 5 )|
Wait, wait, wait, can we just back up? Not since the Star Wars Episode I trailers have so many geeks slobbered so much over so little. It's not a good sign that Gabe Newell squandered so much credibility by all but taking off his shoe and pounding it on the podium when he promised Half-Life 2 would be out -- umm, let me check my watch -- one week ago. Then there's the clumsy debut of Steam, Valve's "our way or the highway" proprietary online distribution/authentication/totalitarian system. And now that the source code has been ripped untimely from its mother network, everyone's talking about Half-Life 2 all over again, which should carry it through to its new April 2004 release date just fine. In the last six months, Half-Life 2 has gotten more press than Duke Nukem Forever has gotten in all sixteen years of its ongoing development. Can we practice a little hype socialism and recall some of this coverage to dole it out to some of the more press poor games?
That's right, Lionheart and Temple of Elemental Evil, I'm talking to you. Just because the genre is doing well doesn't mean we need to start slinging out underdone titles that completely ignore, Temple of Elemental Evil style, how much better interfaces have gotten since the first Baldur's Gate. It doesn't mean we need to try to straddle the divide, Lionheart style, between Diablo and actual RPGs. Let's recall them and give their developers a chance to play through Knights of the Old Republic to get a sense for how to do RPGs right.
Would someone please tell those 30,000 players who are online right now that there are other games out there that aren't as old as Methuselah and overrun with aimbots? It's their fault I can't find a server with a good game of Jedi Academy's siege mode. I vote we recall Counter-strike and get more people playing underdogs like Vietcong, Savage, and Battlefield 1942's Forgotten Heroes mod, which Iíve heard is pretty cool, but I wouldnít know since I canít find any games because apparently no one can get enough of de_dust.
This has got to be the worst massively multiplayer online RPGs I've ever played. I can't figure out how to enable the 3D mode, the bastard lunatic class is seriously overpowered, and the chat interface is just lame, lame, lame. Sure, it's free, but I guess you get what you pay for. Recall it anyway.
SIDEBAR: Methuselah was a Biblical character who lived for 969 years. (Tom knows this because heís, get this, a theology major! -ed.)
|Listing to port||Page:: ( 3 / 5 )|
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, people made a lot of stuff and danced around to heal each other and walked long distances. It's been six months and still no jedis, much less landspeeders. There aren't even Dewbacks. There are, however, plenty of Uncle Owens and Aunt Berus. A Tauntaun, a Tauntaun, my kingdom for a Tauntaun!
It needs a better save system. I'll get eight levels down into a power glove or ninja sword, but then I can't save my progress, so Disgaea sits in my Playstation 2 and I canít turn it off without losing my progress. Now the save game is telling me I've played for 119 hours, which is off by, I don't know, at least seven or eight hours. Besides, if Disgaea gets recalled, maybe I can get some work done. This damn thing is like a constant siren song, calling me to the shipwreck of another six hours straight of doing nothing but improving my Star Mage. This is the best tactical combat game since X-Com and it's really putting the hurt on me. Recall it. It's addictive and harmful, the gaming equivalent of cigarettes.
This game deserves to be recalled from whatever shelf it's found its way to in your house and put back on your hard drive. With the latest hardware, you can max out the detail and get visuals that rival anything else out there, not to mention superlative artwork, voice acting, and gameplay. It's hard to believe this jewel is from the same people who slapped together that awful Matrix game. If I had my own magazine, I'd put Sacrifice on the cover every month with Disgaea in a little inset window in the upper corner.
I don't want to see another expansion pack that costs more than $19.99. At the most. I have yet to see an expansion pack worth more than that. Blizzard is the worst offender. They look at you with a straight face and ask $34.99 for Frozen Throne because, you know, they can. And it's not like they're not going to sell twelve billion copies, not counting Korea. C'mon, you guys are doing fine, how about cutting us fans a break? At least they put in plenty of content, unlike those guys at Electronic Arts and Ubi Soft, who churn out map packs for their Battlefield 1942, Medal of Honor, and the Rainbow Six games. It's no surprise they're not very friendly to the mod community that makes them look bad and costs nothing.
SIDEBAR: In Disgaea, if you get a Fire Mage, Wind Mage, and Ice Mage to level 10, youíll unlock the Star Mage.
|Return Fire||Page:: ( 4 / 5 )|
I was going to respond to Brettís last Firing Line, but it had already scrolled off the front page and I couldnít find it anymore. I remember that it was something about monkey orgasms, which is a topic I donít really have an opinion on. So Iíll just say Iím in favor of monkeyís having as many orgasms as they want, as long as Iím not expected to play any role. In which case, Iím strongly opposed to it and they can go take care of their dirty little business with someone else.
As for Brettís Ďburned-out hardcore cynical jaded gamer who has eight million games installed on his computer and no time to play themí thing, I canít really identify with it, so Iím going to start a campaign to recall it and replace it with some of my own enthusiasm. I like games. I still get a little thrill the first time I boot something up. I sit for a half hour and think about what Iím going to name my character this time. This is a great way to avoid being an adult, to indulge in some of that kid style playtime most other adults have lost track of. This is all adolescent diversion, harmless fantasy fluff, a willing suspension of disbelief that Iím sure Samuel Taylor Coleridge would have totally dug. Itís anesthetic, really, and just like other anesthetics, it works fine as long as you can manage it and keep it in perspective. As someone much wiser than me once said, ďEverything in moderation. Especially computer gamesĒ.
SIDEBAR: Samuel Taylor Coleridge misspelled the word Ďrhymeí in the title of his famous poem, Rime of the Ancient Mariner, and no one corrected it.
|Shot of the Week||Page:: ( 5 / 5 )|
Still no sign of the 1.10 patch for Diablo II. I canít get my copy of UFO: Aftermath to run. And I donít have any way to grab screens of Crimson Skies on the Xbox. So hereís a picture of a little dude who doesnít like this little chick even though sheís trying to lure him into the hot tub. Itís all very Sims, but itís in space. Which is why Space Colony is also known as The Sims in Space But From The Guys Who Did Stronghold, So Itís Not As Bad As You Might Think. Seriously.
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Wow, FiringSquad has a list just like GameSpy now! Weíre going to have to charge the advertisers some serious moola the next time we have ad space for sale. But man, Tom has officially sealed his fate as the Angry Old Man of FiringSquad. Letís call him Murray (because I love you, Chet). So, Tom ĎMurrayí Chick apparently has quite a few beefs, even with past favorites of his such as Star Wars Galaxies. Maybe we should refer him to GameSpy? Let us know, and Sound Off! in the news comments.
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